Baby

What a joy a new baby is (even if sleep has now waived bye-bye to me for quite a while).
It's really an indescribable feeling to be responsible for another human life.
One of the many things my sister is really good at is writing things that make me cry. She was so excited while waiting for news of the birth that she wrote the following:
note: Murray is the name Lauryn and I used for the baby in utero, which is really silly now that we know it ended up being a girl!

Ode to Murray
by Elisabeth Ballstadt

We await you with bated breath,

Watch the minutes crawl…the phone sit idle.

You stir in darkness--yet in a pure light,

a light we can hardly now recall…

So anxious we are,

To hold your hand, to teach you about light and life and breath.

So in awe we are of the joy you’ve already filled our nervous beating hearts with…

Can you understand how much you are loved?

How much you are awaited? When we know not even your face or your name?

Can you feel the shallow but steady breath of your father, as he steadies the woman who holds you…the woman who will nurture you for the rest of your life? Can you feel his excitement, and can you understand how this moment—your moment--is the moment that will define his existence for the rest of time?

Do you know, little one, how your very first breath will shatter through any worry or thought of any other thing great or small in so many--in so many far off places?

And do you know, dear one, that for every day hereafter--you have created life in a woman who will never feel empty again? Do you know that every move she makes and every word she speaks will first be with thoughts of you...?

Do you know—that when you trade in your pure light for a new one, that you need not be afraid…because on bated breath await those who have loved you even before you became…and will love you long after you return to the light you know now.

We await you. On bated breath.

Watch the minutes crawl…

The phone sit idle…

Caroline Grace Blakesley

As you can tell by the previous post, she's here!!
Our little girl, Caroline Grace Blakesley, came to us on Wednesday, December 20th at 10:19 AM.
What a beautiful blessing and miracle to start off the Christmas season. Talk about an immediate shift in perspective and priority. The whole world is a new and different place all because of this little one.
More to come soon, but we're all home from the hospital and Mom and baby are both doing very well.

Caroline's Wake Up Song

One of the many songs I'm sure to make up that will embarass her someday....

The Edge of the Cliff

Here I stand on the precipice awaiting the free fall. I've already made the decision to jump, there's no backing out now. I've got a traveling companion, the best kind.
Often the anticipation is harder to handle than the actual event. Here in the final moments it's almost more than I can take.
But here we go...

Challenges

It's been a while since I wrote because things have been BUSY. So we're less than three weeks from moving, and less than 7 weeks from baby (or less!...or more). Crunch time.
I'll certainly feel a lot better once Lauryn is done with work. We'll be short on money, but she is definitely in no shape to be doing the job she is doing. I just want her to be able to relax and enjoy the last weeks of her pregnancy.
Even though it's really stressful, I am so excited about all of this. I can't wait to be in the new house and I can't wait to hold my baby. Everything else will fall into place (through a lot of hard work) I'm sure. I've never been one to shy away from a challenge. And it turns out that that's what life is, a constant challenge. Living for the 'next big thing' and thinking "everything will be alright as soon as _____ happens" will get you nowhere. This I've learned. There's always something else coming around the bend. Just do what you can with what you have. It's all you can do.

I'm almost done with the new album. It will feel good to not have to listen to it anymore. It's just too much to take. I don't know what anyone else will think about it. I'm sure it won't affect them like it does me because they didn't live it. But I'm glad it will be finished and released. It will be good closure.