In a nutshell...
It's tough to cram your thoughts on a profound subject into a nutshell.
A few weeks ago I was asked to speak as a Witnessing Steward at church on Oct 29 (this Sunday). I'm supposed to talk about what the church means to me and the importance of giving (not necessarily monetary donations, but general giving of money, time, and talent).
I almost didn't accept the request because I'm just not all that sure of what my relationship with God is right now. But maybe that's why it's so important that I do.
Today, I finally got around to thinking about what to say and it really made me think about why it is that I'm in the church. After the miscarriage, I was really screwed up. I didn't know how bad it was until I had made it out of the darkness. But looking back, I was lost. Before that time, I would have thought that God would be my comfort in the times of trouble, my beacon in the storm. But when I got there, He wasn't. I felt abandoned and lost with no guidance and no love. My relationship was not what had I thought it was. I wasn't nearly as strong as I had believed. But here I am, on the other side. Not once did I ever doubt the existence of God, but just what He means to me and I to Him. I'm still not sure. But the exercise today, of writing about what the church means to me made me go back to the days when I was just a preacher's kid in small-town Iowa. When God was good and people were real. The world was black and white.
But what I am thankful for is the foundation that upbringing provided. I am so engrained in the church and the church engrained in me that not even the worst of the worst could separate the two. We miscarried on a weekend and the very next Sunday, there we were, back in church. I was angry at God. But there I was, sitting in the pew. And that's what sustained my faith. Not reason, not love, but merely habit. Normalcy. Thank God for that. Without that habit of going to church, I may have been lost.
The church is my family. It always has been. Even when I didn't want it to be. That's the life of a PK. So now that I'm grown and have a home and family of my own, I find comfort in the family aspect of the church. And that's the point.
A few weeks ago I was asked to speak as a Witnessing Steward at church on Oct 29 (this Sunday). I'm supposed to talk about what the church means to me and the importance of giving (not necessarily monetary donations, but general giving of money, time, and talent).
I almost didn't accept the request because I'm just not all that sure of what my relationship with God is right now. But maybe that's why it's so important that I do.
Today, I finally got around to thinking about what to say and it really made me think about why it is that I'm in the church. After the miscarriage, I was really screwed up. I didn't know how bad it was until I had made it out of the darkness. But looking back, I was lost. Before that time, I would have thought that God would be my comfort in the times of trouble, my beacon in the storm. But when I got there, He wasn't. I felt abandoned and lost with no guidance and no love. My relationship was not what had I thought it was. I wasn't nearly as strong as I had believed. But here I am, on the other side. Not once did I ever doubt the existence of God, but just what He means to me and I to Him. I'm still not sure. But the exercise today, of writing about what the church means to me made me go back to the days when I was just a preacher's kid in small-town Iowa. When God was good and people were real. The world was black and white.
But what I am thankful for is the foundation that upbringing provided. I am so engrained in the church and the church engrained in me that not even the worst of the worst could separate the two. We miscarried on a weekend and the very next Sunday, there we were, back in church. I was angry at God. But there I was, sitting in the pew. And that's what sustained my faith. Not reason, not love, but merely habit. Normalcy. Thank God for that. Without that habit of going to church, I may have been lost.
The church is my family. It always has been. Even when I didn't want it to be. That's the life of a PK. So now that I'm grown and have a home and family of my own, I find comfort in the family aspect of the church. And that's the point.
posted by javboy | 9:55 PM
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